For the last two weeks, the Winter Olympics have been on our TV constantly. It does not matter what event it is or whether the United States has any shot at a medal, we’re watching it. I love it. I love all the countries of the world coming together. I love the underdog stories. I was really pumped to see the Jamaican bobsled team back in the Games this year. It’s a lot of fun to watch. But something occurred to me this year as I watched and I don’t know why because tons of people on the internet have said the same thing: these are the most bizarre and stupid dangerous sports in existence.
In the Summer Olympics, the events are pretty straight forward. Who can run the fastest, swim the fastest, jump the highest, throw the farthest? In the Winter Olympics it’s “We have this ice roller coaster and we have a variety of ways to send you down it at 80 miles per hour. You can go in a bullet sled with your buddies or lay on your back in a regular sled, or you can go face first, or we can stack another person on top of you.” Or “Ski down this mountain, go off the ramp, do flips and twists 200 feet in the air, and then don’t shatter when you hit the ground.” In biathlon, they took cross country skiing—which seems like it might be the most grueling sport in existence—and someone said, “But what if we gave them guns?” Even sports in which I have participated in like skiing or skating are down with such daredevil degrees of difficulty that if I were to try even half of what they do, my best case scenario is a concussion.