To Liam on His 13th Birthday

Liam,

Earlier today, you were telling me about how you couldn’t believe that you are now a teenager. I asked you to tell me more about that feeling. You paused and thought and said that you could not quite come up with the words. Not having the words is something that I am experiencing as well. Your mom and I were with you from that first second. We have experienced the passage of thirteen years with you and even I cannot believe that you are now a teenager.

Let me tell you about my favorite part of today. I picked you up from school a little bit early so that we could go see the movie Project Hail Mary. Your mom and your brother were going to meet us at the theater and had a longer drive to get there. So under a beautiful blue sky (You: “God said, ‘Let’s make the weather nice for Liam’s birthday today’ and then Jesus said, ‘I like that kid.’”), you and I sat on a bench outside the movie theater and talked for 20 or 30 minutes. That was it. You just propped your legs up on the bench and leaned your back against me. We chatted about everything and nothing. It was perfect.

I think about the conversations that we have a lot. You are always sharing some piece of info you learned at school; the weirder or grosser, the more eager you are to talk about it. We ask each other granular questions about the music we listen to in the car (“What does it mean to bless the rains down in Africa?”). You and I both pepper each other with jokes and both have about a fifty-fifty chance of them landing. We will both silently stare at the other when a groaner of a joke is told. When I say something that you think is funny, you chuckle and say, “I love you, Dad.”

You ask a lot of questions about what is going on in the world. That is important and it is also difficult because you have an enormous heart. You care about the vulnerable: animals, people in the margins. You were even a mess tonight during the movie when Ryan Gosling’s new alien buddy was in peril. I love that huge heart and I fear sometimes that this world is going to break it. I know it has already and I know it will. But even though you’re now thirteen, you are still our little boy.

You are dramatic in ways both awesome and tiresome. Even though those feelings can be big and they are hard for me to handle at times, I am so grateful that they make their way outside of you. Life is too short to bottle everything up and pretend you are not sad or angry or joyful or silly. Your openness is a gift. Though it leaves you vulnerable, it helps you so much in connecting with those vulnerable people and creatures that you love. I know the world is scary sometimes but you make it a more hopeful place.

I don’t know what these teenage years are going to bring us, but I hope you know that your mom and I (and many more) are going to be with you every step of the way. You are loved more than you could ever imagine and though we cannot protect you from everything that will happen, you always have home. Thank you for your heart, your jokes, for singing with me in the car, for a faith that is growing in spite of all (gestures at the world) this, for being wise beyond your years, and still being very much a little kid. We love you so much, Liam. Happy 13th birthday! I am so grateful that I get to be your dad.

Love,
Papa