Ultimate Mascot Madness Final Four

Ultimate Mascot Madness Final Four

Chris Cox
Ultimate Mascot Madness

The ball is tipped
But there’s no ball
An epic mascot fight
Give it all you are
Bears, ducks, and storms
Mascot fest
Now the question is
Which one’s the best?
One Shining Moment
It’s kind of absurd
One Shining Moment
When knights fight some birds

That One Shining Moment, you fought all the way
One Shining Moment, you knew
One Shining Moment, in a mascot melee
One Shining Moment, you knew
One Shining Moment

Semifinals

#9 Miami Hurricanes over #34 Canisius Golden Griffins - It has been quite the run for the Golden Griffins: from the Play-In Tournament to an epic run through the East Region. However, their mighty lion-eagleness is no match for a Hurricane which would completely incapacitate the Griffin’s go-to attack of flight. Plus how does one stop a hurricane? Will some college take notice of Mascot Madness and nickname their school the Weather Wizards?
#26 Iowa State Cyclones over #19 UC Santa Barbara Gauchos - Another obvious result. The legendary Gauchos got hot in the West Region and took out some tough human opponents with their more modern weaponry. Yet again, they were no match for unbridled ferocity of a natural disaster.

Ultimate Mascot Madness Sweet 16 & Elite Eight

Ultimate Mascot Madness Sweet 16 & Elite Eight

Chris Cox
Ultimate Mascot Madness

Sweet Sixteen

South Region

#9 Miami Hurricanes over #5 Furman Paladins - Never let it be said that I play favorites. Ever since I started Mascot Madness, I have wanted to include my beloved alma mater to see how they would fare. I’m proud of this run to the Sweet 16. The Hurricane is just too tough an opponent to overcome.
#UAB Blazers vs. #31 Longwood Lancers - A Lancer is a member of a cavalry regiment with a lance or spear. The weapon may give them a shot against a dragon, but a Google Image search does not show much in the way of armor. Blazers win.

East Region

#34 Canisius Golden Griffins over #21 Marshall Thundering Herd - Remember in the last round when I mentioned the medieval drawing of a Griffin carrying a horse and knight in its talons to feed to its young? That’s how I see this playing out: the Golden Griffin flying around a field picking off buffalo with its talons.
#6 Hofstra Pride over #26 LIU Sharks - This was a tough pick. Lions can swim but they don’t love the water like tigers. However, we are talking about one shark against a pride of lions. I feel like their strength in numbers would negate any water advantage the Sharks have. Victory for the Pride.

Ultimate Mascot Madness Third Round

Ultimate Mascot Madness Third Round

Chris Cox
Ultimate Mascot Madness

South Region

#9 Miami Hurricanes over #37 Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils - Where have the Delta Devils succeeded where their demonic brethren have failed? Their apparent ability to shoot fire at people. But that fire does precious little against driving storms and 100+ mile per hour winds.
#5 Furman Paladins over #20 Vanderbilt Commodores - I feel like I don’t have to explain this, but as a reminder a Paladin is a knight on a horse and a Commodore is a dude with a sword inspired by a business magnate.
#19 UAB Blazers over #6 Tennessee Volunteers - “Blaze the Mascot Dragon / Reps UAB / And barbecued the Volunteer from a state called Tennessee”
#31 Longwood Lancers over #10 North Carolina Tar Heels - Not a great couple of games for human mascots that also represent their respective state’s nickname.

East Region

#34 Canisius Golden Griffins over #24 Army Black Knights - This one is a toss-up. I found a website that had some medieval art depicting encounters between Knights and Griffins. Obviously these are all fictional, but some depicted knights slaying griffins because you’re not going to beef up your legend by showing your butt getting kicked by an eagle-lion. But there was one image of a griffin carrying a knight and its horse in its talons to feed the two to its baby griffins. Golden Griffins get the win.
#21 Marshall Thundering Herd over #4 Penn State Nittany Lions - Per Mascot Madness rules we are talking about one mountain lion verses an entire herd of buffalo.
#6 Hofstra Pride over #3 Rutgers Scarlet Knights - Pride of lions versus a single knight; one wearing scarlet which is not the most stealthy color.
#26 LIU Sharks over #15 UMass Minutemen - I know what you’re thinking: the minutemen has a gun. But a Revolutionary War-era musket would not shoot well into the water and take a heck of a long time to reload. Suddenly we’re talking man versus shark and shark wins.

Ultimate Mascot Madness Second Round

Ultimate Mascot Madness Second Round

Chris Cox
Ultimate Mascot Madness

South Region

#37 Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils over #16 George Mason Patriots - For a brief moment, I thought that the short story “The Devil and Daniel Webster” might save the Patriots from our fire-throwing Bayou Beelzebub. Alas Daniel Webster was born at the tail end of the Revolutionary War and thus could not really qualify as being a Patriot in the strictest sense of the word.
#9 Miami Hurricanes over #25 Stetson Hatters - Making the Second Round is an unbelievable run for the Hatters.
#20 Vanderbilt Commodores over #4 Arkansas Razorbacks - The sword does in the hog.
#5 Furman Paladins over #12 North Florida Ospreys - And the sword, shield, armor, and horse does in the bird (not that it would all be needed).
#6 Tennessee Volunteers over #22 Arkansas State Red Wolves - Tennessee is the Volunteer State in part because of those who volunteered to fight in the War of 1812 and Mexican-American War. Thus this type of individual could take on a wolf.
#19 UAB Blazers over #3 Florida Gators - My kids like Pokémon a fair amount and the Gator seems like the first stage of a Pokémon evolution with the Blazer being its final form.
#10 North Carolina Tar Heels over #26 Florida A&M Rattlers - I briefly considered going the other way, but I think a person could win out over a snake.
#31 Longwood Lancers over #15 Wake Forest Demon Deacons - I finally looked it up and a lancer was a solider of a cavalry regiment who was armed with a lance or a spear. I may have underestimated the Lancers.

Ultimate Mascot Madness First Round

Ultimate Mascot Madness First Round

Chris Cox
Ultimate Mascot Madness

For an introduction and recap of the play-in rounds click here.

South Region

#37 Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils over #1 Virginia Cavaliers - Traditionally, Mascot Madness has not had much respect for Cavaliers. Is it the flimsy sword? Maybe. Is it the feather in a jaunty hat? Probably.
#16 George Mason Patriots over #17 Tulane Green Wave - Come on, it’s a green wave.
#9 Miami Hurricanes over #24 Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns - Another theme that has held over the years is mascots that are massive natural disasters are almost impossible to defeat.
#25 Stetson Hatters over #8 Alabama Crimson Tide - What is a Hatter? What is a Crimson Tide? The Hatter is the mascot of Stetson, because, yes, they have a connection to the Stetson hats. So it’s a person who makes hats? A person who wears hats? Either way, it’s a person and they can withstand a tide.
#4 Arkansas Razorbacks over #29 Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks - Admittedly, this one is a toss-up but I’ll give tusked feral hog the advantage. Especially since some people think you need an assault weapon to withstand 30-50 of these guys coming into a yard.
#20 Vanderbilt Commodores over #13 Austin Peay Governors - Possibly the lamest human vs. human showdown imaginable. We’ll give the Commodore the advantage cause he has a sword. By the way, did you know Austin Peay signed the Butler Act which made it illegal to teach evolution in Tennessee public schools and paved the way for the Scopes Monkey Trial?
#12 North Florida Ospreys over #21 Gardner-Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs - Ospreys are also known as sea hawks or river hawks and I just feel like their power of flight plus those talons gives them an advantage of a bulldog. My apologies to my seminary alma mater.
#5 Furman Paladins over #28 Campbell Fighting Camels - Long have I waited to include my beloved Paladins in a Mascot Madness bracket. What is a paladin? It is a knight on a horse. So you’ve got all of the armor and weaponry of a knight plus the power of the horse. Paladins are a tough draw. I must confess thought that it brings me no joy to strike down the Fighting Camels of Campbell because I have great respect for any school that decides to have their mascot not just be a Camel but a Fighting Camel.

Ultimate Mascot Madness Intro & Play-In Rounds

Ultimate Mascot Madness Intro & Play-In Rounds

Chris Cox
Ultimate Mascot Madness

Every year, I fill out the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament bracket using one simple criterion: Which mascot would win in a fight? When March Madness was cancelled this year, I had resigned myself to not exploring these critical questions. But as I have read stories of perseverance in the face of the Covid-19 pandemic, I decided that I too should not let circumstances get in the way of this of this treasured tradition. In fact, it is time to take it to the next level. So I decided to look at all of Division I and determine which mascot would be the ultimate champion.

Below are the ground rules for how I set up the bracket:

  • I compiled a list of the 142 unique Division I mascots. Sorry, Bulldogs, Eagles, and Tigers. You need to find more original nicknames. This list does not include mascots based on Native American imagery nor does it include the Sam Houston State Bearkats. Yeah, you’re the only Bearkats, but taking the common mascot Bearcats and misspelling it with a “k” does not get you into this prestigious tournament.

  • I approximately divided those 142 schools into four geographic regions: South, East, Midwest, and West.

  • I used the final posted RPI rankings to seed those teams within their respective regions. The Oregon Ducks have the highest RPI ranking in the West Region and thus are the #1 seed for that group.

  • Because you have to do some finagling to make a 142-team bracket work, each Region has a play-in tournament consisting of the remaining teams that were seeded #32 or lower in each geographic region. To make the tournaments as even as possible, the teams do not adhere to any geographic boundaries. That’s why Cornell is in the West Play-in. Sorry, Andy Bernard, your team should have played better basketball this season.

  • Again, the simple question is which mascot would win in a fight. This is considered a one-on-one fight unless plurality is implied by something other than slapping the letter “s” on the end. Thus the Marshall Thundering Herd get to bring more than one buffalo to the fight.

  • “Extensive” internet research is used to determine the intended nature of each mascot and their prowess in battle.

Death in Reverse

Death in Reverse

Chris Cox
Weekly Lectionary

“Death itself would start working backwards.”

From the moment when I read that line in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, it has taken root in my imagination. There comes this point when you realize that a great deal of this world is in the throes of entropy. Everything that lives on this planet dies. Relationships drift and then fall apart. As a sensitive child, all fo this decay frightened me. I wanted something to help us escape all this gravity. And so C.S. Lewis’ regal God-lion reminded me of a concept that is essential to all of scripture: resurrection.

What fascinates me is not so much the idea of the resurrection of the dead. I believe that is part of this grand narrative; at least I do on most days. That is the concept to which a lot of the Christian faith pays attention. Rather it is the idea that God is in the art of taking the things that are falling apart, broken, dying, and decaying and throwing it into reverse. Death does not have the final word. There is always the chance for life.

That is the image that we see in Ezekiel. It starts with a valley full of bones and God asks the prophets whether they live can live again. Ezekiel wisely answers that only God knows whether resurrection is possible. Thus God orders Ezekiel to prophesy over the bones. To go out where there is seeming hopelessness and dead ends and to preach the word of the Lord. And what is that word?

One Thing I Know

One Thing I Know

Chris Cox
Weekly Lectionary

When your job revolves around questions of God, faith, and the mysteries of the universe, you need to become comfortable with an important three word phrase: I don’t know. That is not to say that there are some things that you do not know or at least about which you have an informed, educated opinion. Every person of faith should spend their lifetimes learning and seeking to know all they can about God.

There are simply times that our finitude crashes into the infinity and you realize that you don’t know that much. Like I do not know why God allows bad things to happen. I don’t believe God causes things like the Covid-19 virus or tornadoes or starving children. But I don’t know why God allows it. I hope that there is a good reason behind it. But I don’t know. When you get right down to it, there is much both good and bad about which we just don’t know.

All of which sets up what I love about this passage in John. Jesus heals a man born blind and the story veers into an episode of Law & Order: Strict Pharisee Unit. The healed man and his parents are interrogated about what happened. The second time this particular group of Pharisees are talking to the formerly blind man—who has to be confused as to why people are so upset that he has been miraculously healed—they demand that he give glory to God because Jesus has to be a sinner. You can almost hear the one playing bad cop slamming on the interrogation room table as he yells it.

To Liam on His 7th Birthday

To Liam on His 7th Birthday

Chris Cox

Liam,

I cannot believe that you are seven years old. I’ve been there the entire time so it makes sense, but it feels like it is going by ridiculously fast. In a couple of months, you will be finished with 1st grade and deeply ensconced in elementary school. I can still remember meeting you in that operating room. Your eyes would barely open under the bright lights.

There is something in those first moments that is difficult to describe. You meet a lot of people in your life. We all have stories—some good and some not so good—that we carry around. You hear the stories in their voices, see it in their face, and the way that they hold their body. But in those first moments with you, you were nothing but possibility; limitless potential energy. When I encountered that with you and your brother, it felt a little like I was being born also.

That potential energy has transformed into a kiloton of kinetic energy. You crackle with it. You run and hop and skip from place to place. You love to go and explore the outside world even if it is just a walk to our mailbox. You are always moving ahead of your mom and I. Your mind moves at the same rapid pace. I love to listen to you talk when you get on a roll. You tell stories like a bouncing ball bounding down a steep staircase. Your voice swings and sways in a singsong like way.

The Epidemiology of Grace

The Epidemiology of Grace

Chris Cox

It’s a weird time. We all know that, but I think it’s important to periodically name that reality. Schools have closed down for weeks on end. Theaters are closing. Restaurants are only allowing to-go orders. Every sports league has blown the whistle on their respective seasons. It is a March with a madness unlike any that we have ever experienced.

That is an important thing for us to remember: None of us have ever experienced anything like this. We are all in unchartered territory. None of us know what the next few weeks or months is going to hold. We could start seeing daylight in April or this could be a long haul. It is a strange, limbo-like state to be in.

Which is exactly why we need to extend grace to each other. Be kind. Nobody knew the term “social distancing” two weeks ago. Now it is our banner and creed. And, listen, we do need to do everything we can flatten the curve. We need to listen to our medical experts so that we do not let this thing spread and endanger our most vulnerable brothers and sisters. But we can encourage others to do that without shaming, guilting, or snarking other people.

Load More