Ultimate Mascot Madness First Round

Ultimate Mascot Madness First Round

Chris Cox
Ultimate Mascot Madness

For an introduction and recap of the play-in rounds click here.

South Region

#37 Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils over #1 Virginia Cavaliers - Traditionally, Mascot Madness has not had much respect for Cavaliers. Is it the flimsy sword? Maybe. Is it the feather in a jaunty hat? Probably.
#16 George Mason Patriots over #17 Tulane Green Wave - Come on, it’s a green wave.
#9 Miami Hurricanes over #24 Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns - Another theme that has held over the years is mascots that are massive natural disasters are almost impossible to defeat.
#25 Stetson Hatters over #8 Alabama Crimson Tide - What is a Hatter? What is a Crimson Tide? The Hatter is the mascot of Stetson, because, yes, they have a connection to the Stetson hats. So it’s a person who makes hats? A person who wears hats? Either way, it’s a person and they can withstand a tide.
#4 Arkansas Razorbacks over #29 Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks - Admittedly, this one is a toss-up but I’ll give tusked feral hog the advantage. Especially since some people think you need an assault weapon to withstand 30-50 of these guys coming into a yard.
#20 Vanderbilt Commodores over #13 Austin Peay Governors - Possibly the lamest human vs. human showdown imaginable. We’ll give the Commodore the advantage cause he has a sword. By the way, did you know Austin Peay signed the Butler Act which made it illegal to teach evolution in Tennessee public schools and paved the way for the Scopes Monkey Trial?
#12 North Florida Ospreys over #21 Gardner-Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs - Ospreys are also known as sea hawks or river hawks and I just feel like their power of flight plus those talons gives them an advantage of a bulldog. My apologies to my seminary alma mater.
#5 Furman Paladins over #28 Campbell Fighting Camels - Long have I waited to include my beloved Paladins in a Mascot Madness bracket. What is a paladin? It is a knight on a horse. So you’ve got all of the armor and weaponry of a knight plus the power of the horse. Paladins are a tough draw. I must confess thought that it brings me no joy to strike down the Fighting Camels of Campbell because I have great respect for any school that decides to have their mascot not just be a Camel but a Fighting Camel.

Ultimate Mascot Madness Intro & Play-In Rounds

Ultimate Mascot Madness Intro & Play-In Rounds

Chris Cox
Ultimate Mascot Madness

Every year, I fill out the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament bracket using one simple criterion: Which mascot would win in a fight? When March Madness was cancelled this year, I had resigned myself to not exploring these critical questions. But as I have read stories of perseverance in the face of the Covid-19 pandemic, I decided that I too should not let circumstances get in the way of this of this treasured tradition. In fact, it is time to take it to the next level. So I decided to look at all of Division I and determine which mascot would be the ultimate champion.

Below are the ground rules for how I set up the bracket:

  • I compiled a list of the 142 unique Division I mascots. Sorry, Bulldogs, Eagles, and Tigers. You need to find more original nicknames. This list does not include mascots based on Native American imagery nor does it include the Sam Houston State Bearkats. Yeah, you’re the only Bearkats, but taking the common mascot Bearcats and misspelling it with a “k” does not get you into this prestigious tournament.

  • I approximately divided those 142 schools into four geographic regions: South, East, Midwest, and West.

  • I used the final posted RPI rankings to seed those teams within their respective regions. The Oregon Ducks have the highest RPI ranking in the West Region and thus are the #1 seed for that group.

  • Because you have to do some finagling to make a 142-team bracket work, each Region has a play-in tournament consisting of the remaining teams that were seeded #32 or lower in each geographic region. To make the tournaments as even as possible, the teams do not adhere to any geographic boundaries. That’s why Cornell is in the West Play-in. Sorry, Andy Bernard, your team should have played better basketball this season.

  • Again, the simple question is which mascot would win in a fight. This is considered a one-on-one fight unless plurality is implied by something other than slapping the letter “s” on the end. Thus the Marshall Thundering Herd get to bring more than one buffalo to the fight.

  • “Extensive” internet research is used to determine the intended nature of each mascot and their prowess in battle.

Death in Reverse

Death in Reverse

Chris Cox
Weekly Lectionary

“Death itself would start working backwards.”

From the moment when I read that line in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, it has taken root in my imagination. There comes this point when you realize that a great deal of this world is in the throes of entropy. Everything that lives on this planet dies. Relationships drift and then fall apart. As a sensitive child, all fo this decay frightened me. I wanted something to help us escape all this gravity. And so C.S. Lewis’ regal God-lion reminded me of a concept that is essential to all of scripture: resurrection.

What fascinates me is not so much the idea of the resurrection of the dead. I believe that is part of this grand narrative; at least I do on most days. That is the concept to which a lot of the Christian faith pays attention. Rather it is the idea that God is in the art of taking the things that are falling apart, broken, dying, and decaying and throwing it into reverse. Death does not have the final word. There is always the chance for life.

That is the image that we see in Ezekiel. It starts with a valley full of bones and God asks the prophets whether they live can live again. Ezekiel wisely answers that only God knows whether resurrection is possible. Thus God orders Ezekiel to prophesy over the bones. To go out where there is seeming hopelessness and dead ends and to preach the word of the Lord. And what is that word?

One Thing I Know

One Thing I Know

Chris Cox
Weekly Lectionary

When your job revolves around questions of God, faith, and the mysteries of the universe, you need to become comfortable with an important three word phrase: I don’t know. That is not to say that there are some things that you do not know or at least about which you have an informed, educated opinion. Every person of faith should spend their lifetimes learning and seeking to know all they can about God.

There are simply times that our finitude crashes into the infinity and you realize that you don’t know that much. Like I do not know why God allows bad things to happen. I don’t believe God causes things like the Covid-19 virus or tornadoes or starving children. But I don’t know why God allows it. I hope that there is a good reason behind it. But I don’t know. When you get right down to it, there is much both good and bad about which we just don’t know.

All of which sets up what I love about this passage in John. Jesus heals a man born blind and the story veers into an episode of Law & Order: Strict Pharisee Unit. The healed man and his parents are interrogated about what happened. The second time this particular group of Pharisees are talking to the formerly blind man—who has to be confused as to why people are so upset that he has been miraculously healed—they demand that he give glory to God because Jesus has to be a sinner. You can almost hear the one playing bad cop slamming on the interrogation room table as he yells it.

To Liam on His 7th Birthday

To Liam on His 7th Birthday

Chris Cox

Liam,

I cannot believe that you are seven years old. I’ve been there the entire time so it makes sense, but it feels like it is going by ridiculously fast. In a couple of months, you will be finished with 1st grade and deeply ensconced in elementary school. I can still remember meeting you in that operating room. Your eyes would barely open under the bright lights.

There is something in those first moments that is difficult to describe. You meet a lot of people in your life. We all have stories—some good and some not so good—that we carry around. You hear the stories in their voices, see it in their face, and the way that they hold their body. But in those first moments with you, you were nothing but possibility; limitless potential energy. When I encountered that with you and your brother, it felt a little like I was being born also.

That potential energy has transformed into a kiloton of kinetic energy. You crackle with it. You run and hop and skip from place to place. You love to go and explore the outside world even if it is just a walk to our mailbox. You are always moving ahead of your mom and I. Your mind moves at the same rapid pace. I love to listen to you talk when you get on a roll. You tell stories like a bouncing ball bounding down a steep staircase. Your voice swings and sways in a singsong like way.

The Epidemiology of Grace

The Epidemiology of Grace

Chris Cox

It’s a weird time. We all know that, but I think it’s important to periodically name that reality. Schools have closed down for weeks on end. Theaters are closing. Restaurants are only allowing to-go orders. Every sports league has blown the whistle on their respective seasons. It is a March with a madness unlike any that we have ever experienced.

That is an important thing for us to remember: None of us have ever experienced anything like this. We are all in unchartered territory. None of us know what the next few weeks or months is going to hold. We could start seeing daylight in April or this could be a long haul. It is a strange, limbo-like state to be in.

Which is exactly why we need to extend grace to each other. Be kind. Nobody knew the term “social distancing” two weeks ago. Now it is our banner and creed. And, listen, we do need to do everything we can flatten the curve. We need to listen to our medical experts so that we do not let this thing spread and endanger our most vulnerable brothers and sisters. But we can encourage others to do that without shaming, guilting, or snarking other people.

The Geography of Grace

The Geography of Grace

Chris Cox
Weekly Lectionary

What if we named places the same way that they did during biblical times? Moses named a location in this week’s passage Massah and Meribah—which respectively mean “test” and “quarrel”—because that is exactly what his people were doing in that place. They threw verbal hands and they tested God.

So what if we did that? Like if Moses ventured out to Chicago’s Navy Pier with our family this morning and saw St. Patrick’s Day revelers stumbling out to various booze cruises, might he have dubbed that place Poor Drunken Decisions? Granted, he might have looked at our family exploring pandemic-era Windy City and dubbed wherever we went Poor Sober Decisions by our actions (we changed flights last night to head home tomorrow rather than several days later as originally planned).

But it seems incredibly harsh to name a place by the terrible thing that happened there. It is true that sometimes the place was named for something wonderful that happened. Jacob gave the name Bethel or “House of God” to a place in which he had an incredible encounter with the Divine. Yet I am stuck thinking about Moses making some future Geography Bee contestant answer “Test and Quarrel.” It forces me to ponder on the places in my life that might have been dubbed Apathy or Cowardice. I don’t like to dwell in those cities, but I do need to remember that they could exist. Moses heavy-handed naming was meant to be a reminder. We need to remember that we’re fallible.

Taking the Long Way

Taking the Long Way

Chris Cox

It was not a great day. It wasn’t “The worst day of my life” as one child oh so dramatically put it from his personal perspective. But it sure wasn’t the day that I would have planned. Between the car dying and publicly parenting two distraught children who thought that we would be trapped at a CFA drive-thru forever and the 3-4 hour wait for a tow, it was not a great day. And I could feel my attitude beginning to curdle; especially after EA rescued the boys and I was no longer in charge of anyone’s morale but my own.

Instead of waiting in the car I walked a few blocks to a coffeeshop, found it closed, and grumbled as I backtracked then walked a few more blocks to another one. I tried to reframe things. It was not a great day, but we were okay. To be sure, a day after tornadoes had devastated Nashville and middle Tennessee, I was pretty darn fortunate. I had my health, my home, and the people I loved were fine. Many people were not. It dawned on me that dichotomy was true everyday and not just when the disaster touched down and hit close to home. Local devastation or not, I did not have any license to be ungrateful, to grouse, and let the dark nip at my mood.

I sat on that porch of the coffeeshop with my bottle of water because I don't drink coffee. I pulled out my computer and tried to push out the frustration with work. And when I found that the grumbling was still getting through, I made an effort to hone in on what was good about that day.

More Than You Could Ever Imagine (John 10:1-18)

More Than You Could Ever Imagine (John 10:1-18)

Chris Cox
Sermon Manuscript

We are going to start off in a remarkably nerdy place, but I promise that this is going somewhere. This past fall, an unprepared world was introduced to Baby Yoda. In the first episode of the new Star Wars TV show called The Mandalorian, the title character—a bounty hunter—is hired to go to some alien world and capture a 50 year old creature to bring back to some pretty shady individuals. After some classic Star Wars derring-do, we discover that the bounty is this impossibly adorable little guy.

No one saw this coming. Disney somehow kept Baby Yoda’s existence under wraps. They would also like to remind everyone that his name is not Baby Yoda because he is not Yoda as an infant and he is officially referred to as The Child. So whereas everyone thought The Mandalorian was going to be a show about a bounty hunter doing some bounty hunting, it turned out to be a show in which this lone wolf type of individual suddenly has to care for and protect this precious child from those who seek to do it harm.

As the video we just showed indicates, the internet has gone absolutely insane for Baby Yoda. Bootleg Baby Yoda merchandise began popping up everywhere. With each episode of The Mandalorian there was a slew of new adorable images of Baby Yoda that were instantly turned into memes or tweeted out a thousand times. My children will periodically ask to see a picture of Baby Yoda just so they can go “Awwwwwww…” He is an absolute marvel of storytelling and creature design. We all know that he is literally a puppet, but we are super invested in his wellbeing.

Because everything on the internet turns into a competition, someone asked who was cuter: Baby Yoda or a tree-like character that captured the internet’s heart a few years ago named Baby Groot. One person replied: “I would use Baby Groot as firewood to keep Baby Yoda warm.” And 362,000 people liked it. Everyone was like, “Yeah, I’d probably do that too.” There is a massive collective instinct of “We must protect Baby Yoda at all costs.” All of which works perfectly for the show because the premise of The Mandalorian is about this individual who discovers this child and turns his own life upside down to protect this precious little creature.

Presidents Day Pseudo Facts Greatest Hits

Presidents Day Pseudo Facts Greatest Hits

Chris Cox

I cannot tell a lie, I do not have any new Presidents Day Pseudo Facts for the year (work and being a parent will do that). However, let me offer up the Greatest Hits of over half a decade of nuggets about our presidents that could maybe, kind of, possibly, sort of be true.

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