Tonight before bed Jim had a meltdown of epic proportions. Like most tantrums involving toddlers (and occasionally adults) this one started with a cookie. That was the promised reward if, and only if, the rest of dinner was eaten to our satisfaction. It was not. Therefore the cookie was not bestowed and it was off to bed.
This was probably the worst tantrum he has ever had. Whenever he tried to talk, the words could barely get through the sobs to the point that he sounded like a skipping record. It was miserable. Part of me wanted to leave him. Forget about changing the diaper, getting his pajamas on, reading a story, and bedtime prayers. Just leave the kid to wail like a banshee.
The other part of me wanted to just run down stairs and get him the cookie so that he would stop being so heartbroken. I do not like to see my children so completely wrecked. I want to give them the quick fix to make things better.
It would have been wrong to act on either of those instincts. Fortunately, Team Chris and EA stood our ground on the cookie, but also sat on the floor with our seemingly inconsolable toddler. Eventually, EA started reading him Fox in Socks and before we got to the muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle, Jim was better. We prepared for bed, prayed, and kissed him good night. I’m glad that we didn’t abandon him or cave to his demands. I am thankful that we were patient.
I am thankful that God is patient with me. I may not throw epic temper tantrums befitting a toddler (though I certainly have that capacity). But I am reminded multiple times a day that I am not a good man. Sure there is good in me from the being made in the image of God thing. Yet I can be a selfish, lazy, lustful, judgmental individual even on my very best days. And this is after trying to follow Jesus for the last two plus decades.
God could have ditched me and God could have just thrown up God’s anthropomorphic hands and said, “Fine, have it your way.” Yet that is not what has happened. God is patient with me, correcting me, extending grace to me, and sitting with me. It makes a difference. It is not as obvious and dramatic a difference as a Dr. Seuss book had on Jim tonight. But it is ever so slowly chipping away at me and shaping me into the type of man God wants me to be.
I am thankful that God is patient with me. I pray that I will be patient as well.
I believe that most of us experience an internal tug-of-war between the past and the future. In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis’ titular demon supervisor advises his underling Wormwood that one of best ways to keep a human from doing good is to keep them ping-ponging between those two times that are not the present. One keeps trying to recapture or reach towards moments that are mist. It can keep a person from doing something.
The quote above resonates with me because it harnesses the past and unfinished future into a catalyst that animates our present. We remember the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus because it means something today and compels us to presently work for the Good that is already here, but also not yet. We remember the hope and pain of the past to do something that help us take some sort of step each and every day. We realize that the hope which exists within the gospel story is not yet fully realized. Many people are still being left behind and forgotten. The realization, as the theologian Metz states, puts pressure and questions on the present.