I'm Not Alright

This is a time of year in which we often talk about bettering ourselves. We make resolutions. We try to work ourselves into being the type of people that we want to be. I think resolutions are good goals to make, especially when we sincerely aim to follow through. Even when we fail the process of trying can teach us.

But these last few days, my mind is zagging when the rest of the world zigs. I have been thinking lately about the fact that, in my faith, I am not alright. I have been thinking about the fact that if I were left to my own devices, I would indulge in a selfish life. Even as someone that follows God, I still screw up far more than I would like to admit.

I have always been a bit put off with how some Christians emphasize over and over again that people are failures hated and despised by God. I don’t agree with the hated and despised by God part and I think that the constant reminders of our shortcomings can be psychologically damaging. But I do think the reminder that, if not for God, we could not make it through this life is an important one.

So before I lay out what I want to do this year, I want to make a (rather obvious) confession. I am not alright. There are some days that following a God is a struggle. I still get tripped up by apathy, lust, impatience, anger, and a litany of other failings. Even as someone that works in the ministry, there are days when I want to pack it all in. I cannot possibly live anything resembling a Christian life on my own. I cannot do it.

And that’s why I am so very thankful for God’s grace. I need it each and every day. May it abound for each of us and may we lean on God all the more as we make it through the new year.

"Dada!" "Jim!"

A Mockingbird in the Wild