Good Cop, Bad Cop
Gospel Reading for the Fourth Sunday of Lent
GC: Let’s walk this through one more time, Mr. Johns.
J: I have already told you everything that happened.
BC: Oh, he’s already told us everything that’s happened, O’Houlihan. (pounds the metal table with his fist) If you told us everything that happened, we wouldn’t still be in here you little punk!
GC: (pulling his partner back) Shefshesky! Take five! Listen, Johns, I’m sorry about my partner. He’s under a lot of stress. We got this Jesus guy running around makin’ our job more difficult.
J: How’s he making things difficult?
GC: Ya see, word on the street is he’s healing people. People who can’t walk, people who can’t hear, people (motions to Johns) who can’t see…
BC: Who allegedly couldn’t see.
GC: Knock it off, Shefshesky! I’m sorry. So that’s why we’re trying to get our stories straight. People don’t just start seeing after being blind their whole life. So let’s walk it through one more time.
J: I told you guys. I was sitting at the gate I always sat at. Heard a couple of guys talking about me. Wasn’t the first time. Although at least the main guy wasn’t blaming me or my parents for my blindness.
BC: (mutters to self) That’s a red flag right there.
J: Then I hear a guy spit and the next thing I know, he’s putting mud over my eyes.
GC: This didn’t strike you as strange?
J: Of course it struck me as strange, but before I could ask what the big idea was, the guy told me to wash my eyes out in the nearby fountain.
BC: You expect us believe that some nut job spit in the dirt, put mud on your eyes, and you just did what he said?
J: Listen…(Shefshesky rises up)…sir. I don't know why I did it. Maybe I was at the end of my rope. But I’m glad I did.
GC: Yeaaaaahhhh, so this is the part where you say your lifelong blindness is healed.
J: That’s correct, sir.
GC: We’ve had witnesses in all day. Some of them have said you’re the same blind guy that begged at that gate for years.
BC: And some say they aren’t exactly sure. That you might only look like the guy. That you might be some kind of scam artist trying to con everybody. Some kind of degenerate…
GC: No one said that. But there were some people unsure.
J: I promise you. I used to be blind and now I can see.
GC: Yeah, well, we're making sure we got all our ducks in a row so we got your folks next door.
J: Mom and dad are here?
BC: Does that make you nervous, Johns? You feel like the noose is tightening?
J: No! No! Nothing like that! I just don’t know why you’re bringing my parents here.
(there’s a knock on the door, a detective hands O'Houlihan a sheet of paper; he reads it)
GC: He’s their kid and he did used to be blind.
BC: (knocks a chair to the ground) You gotta be kidding me! There’s no way that punk healed this kid!
GC: Cool it Shefshesky! Listen, Johns. We need to wrap this up before my partner here gets angry.
J: This isn’t angry?
GC: Nah, this is mildly irritated. But here’s the thing. Why give this Jesus guy credit? God’s obviously one the that healed you. No need to drag this…
BC: Con man!
GC: I was going to say this normal, flawed human being. No need to bring this ordinary sinful man into the whole deal.
J: I don’t know what kind of guy this Jesus is. All I know is that I was blind and now I see. And Jesus is the one who did it. That’s got to mean something.
BC: Yeah, it means you’re both full of…
GC: Let’s walk it back one more time…
J: Come on! Why do you want to hear this thing again? Unless…unless…deep down you want to follow him too.
BC: That tears it! (lunges at Johns)
GC: Alright! We’re done here! Kid, I can’t hold him back anymore so you’d better scram. Shefshesky! You’ve been on probation once already this year! Think of Lorraine and the kids!
J: So we’re done?
GC: Yeah, get out of here. But kid, you need to get your head on straight.
J: Funny, for the first time ever, I think it is.