If Jesus Played in the Super Bowl

Jim: Welcome back from the break. All the prognosticators predicted this game would go down to the wire and it looks like they were right. The Packers just re-took the lead on Aaron Rodgers' 2nd touchdown pass of the game. With 1:43 left, it's 27-24 Green Bay and the Browns are going to need a miracle to pull this one out, Phil.

Phil: That Cleveland is even in the Super Bowl is a miracle, Jim. Lucky for them, their quarterback Jesus Carpenter has played brilliantly. 19 for 20 for 345 yards, 3 touchdowns and no interceptions. If anyone can lead the Browns down the field, it's him.

Jim: Speaking of Carpenter, during the break our cameras caught the Cleveland QB celebrating with the Packers after their most recent score. What does this do his teammates' psyche, Phil?

Phil: It has to be confusing. At the same time, he's been celebrating with opponents all season long. This isn't a surprise. The rookie sensation is eccentric to say the least.

Jim: Indeed. Bratton returned the kickoff up to the Cleveland 33 and Jesus walks up to the line. He sees something in the defense and is calling an audible. The snap. Toss sweep to Felton and oh! Jesus gets lit up! Felton's run yielded three yards, but Julius Roman just absolutely demolished Jesus after the pitch.

Phil: He's been getting roughed up all night, Jim, and that one really should have drawn a flag from the officials. And look at that! The defensive end is taunting the rookie after that devastating hit.

Jim: The offensive line is running over to their quarterback's defense. Jesus is up on his feet and in Roman's face! I wonder what he's saying?

Phil: Whatever it is, the All-Pro from Ohio State is backing down. You don't see that happen too often.

Jim: Let's head down to the sideline to see if we can get an idea of what's going on. Michelle, what happened down there?

Michelle: Well guys, the O-Line was not pleased with Roman's behavior and it looked like a fight might have broken out. But before things got ugly, Jesus sprang up and said, "Hit me again like that." I think Roman was expecting trash talk because it seemed to have thrown the defensive end off guard. After Roman stammered some, Jesus said, "Hit me again like that. But if you could get the other side to even it out, that'd be great." And Roman just backed away.

Jim: Thanks Michelle. Like we said, the young QB is unique. The Browns burned their 2nd timeout after that play. Play clock is running again. 2nd and 7. 1:29 left in the game. Jesus takes the snap and drops back. He has West open across midfield! And...Jesus sails it just over the fingertips of his receiver.

Phil: That's his first incomplete pass since the 2nd quarter, Jim.

Jim: Well, he is human. 3rd and 7 now and the Browns are running out of chances. Jesus is back in shotgun. Four wide, three on the near side. 1:18 left. There's the snap. Roman comes free on the weak side. Jesus sidesteps him! He's scrambling around in the backfield. Still looking around and the Packers defense is swarming him! Missed another tackle! Mims is downfield double covered. Jesus barely gets the ball off. It's going to be a jumpball for Mims around the 10. Mims got it! First down Cleveland in the red zone! Echoes of the helmet catch there, Phil?

Phil: Holy cow! It was close, Jim! Look at how the quarterback keeps buying himself time on the replay. There are at least four guys who should have had him on that play, but Jesus was so elusive. And that throw to Mims had to be perfect. Both the safety and the corner very easily could have picked it off. An incredible catch!

Jim: Jesus hurries to the line, takes the snap, and spikes. They're obviously saving that last time out. 46 seconds left. 2nd and 10 from the 11. What's going through the young quarterback's mind right now?

Phil: You just have to stay focused and play football.

Jim: Profound analysis there, Phil. You see the camera on Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter. The rookie's story has been told so often, but born in Bethlehem, PA to a blue collar Arab-American family, Jesus was on nobody's radar coming out of a small FCS school. He was taken with the very last pick in the seventh round: Mr. Irrelevant. He somehow made the team and then early season injuries thrust him into the starting role. After an 0-4 start, the Browns reeled off 11 of 12 en route to a wild card spot.

Phil: And it has indeed been wild.

Jim: Right you are. Through the year, Jesus became a fan favorite even as he was a lightning rod of controversy. Jesus challenged the league for its handling of concussion issues and finances, his teammates for hitting opponents too hard, and the ownership of the Browns for their treatment of low-income families in Ohio. There was even a rumor last week, that he might not suit up for this game in protest, but Jesus said he couldn't let down his team like that. And now, after a roller coaster ride, he's just over ten yards from delivering Cleveland their first championship.

Phil: The Browns are breaking the huddle. I suspect they'll play it safe here. If you don't get in the end zone then you can at least try to force overtime.

Jim: And once again, there has never been an overtime in Super Bowl history. Such an outcome would be fitting. Jesus takes the wheel of the offense. He takes the snap. It's a reverse! Peterson has the ball! He has nothing but daylight! He bobbles the ball! It's on the turf! Everyone is swarming! Jesus has the ball! He's weaving through traffic!

Phil: I don't believe this!

Jim: To the five! He reverses course and cuts up the field! Roman grabs his ankle! Jesus lunges for the endzone! TOUCHDOWN! Holy cow! A heart-stopping, stadium-rattling, history-making play! With the extra point, the Browns will take a 31-27 lead.

Phil: Again, Jesus slinks off the field with nary a celebration.

Jim: That's true. He's quick to celebrate others--even on other teams--but when he crosses the pylon, he's very quiet. Which is a shame because he's an impressive dancer. And I bet they're dancing in Cleveland right now.

Phil: Now there's still 23 seconds left on the clock.

Jim: The kick is up and good! And you're right, Phil, a lot can happen in 23 seconds. The Packers have their top receiver, the speedster Jason Randall back deep. There's the kick! Randall has it at the 3 and he's off! He's to the 20. The 30! 40! He cuts up field. Oh! Randall is down at the Packers 47. Did anyone touch him, Phil?

Phil: I don't think so, Jim, and he's not getting up. Looking at the replay...

Jim: Squeamish viewers may want to avert their eyes. The human knee is not supposed to twist that way. Michelle?

Michelle: The Green Bay trainer immediately commented that it was Randall's knee and there's no way he's playing these final plays or perhaps ever. He has already torn his ACL on that knee twice.

Jim: Sorry to interrupt Michelle, but Jesus is out on the field.

Phil: I wondered if this was going to happen...

Jim: One of the things we neglected to mention is that Jesus has been healing players all season long; both on his team and rivals.

Phil: It's really remarkable, but you got to wonder what the Cleveland fans will think of him helping their opponents when they're on the cusp of winning the Super Bowl.

Jim: Those kind of lines don't seem to bother him. And, yes, Randall is up on his feet and looks like he's good to go. He'll be critical on any sort of Hail Mary play.

Phil: Interesting note, when we were interviewing Jesus this week he said that play is called "Hi Mom!" in their playbook.

Jim: Rodgers takes the snap. The Browns have mainly defensive backs in. The Packers need a touchdown. Rodgers is no stranger to game-winning plays. He scrambles. There will be little time on the clock after this play. Rodgers heaves it downfield! Randall grabs it in the end zone! UNBELIEVABLE! Touchdown Green Bay! Touchdown Green Bay! No time left on the clock! The Green Bay Packers have won their fifth Super Bowl ring! What a turn of events!

Phil: That miraculous healing is probably going to haunt Jesus for a long time.

Jim: Michelle, what's it like on the Packers' bench?

Michelle: Well, oddly enough, Jim, Jesus is down here. He was high fiving Rodgers and some of the other guys on the sideline and was gesturing at the water cooler. I couldn't hear what they were talking about but Randall and Roman were laughing. Then Jesus opened up the cooler and Randall yelled and went sprinting in the other direction. I heard Roman scream, "No way!"

Jim: What was so special about the cooler, Michelle?

Michelle: I'm going to have the camera follow me so you can see...it's wine. It's been a weird game, Jim.

Jim: That is has, Michelle. Thank you. Well, folks, we'll be back with the post-game festivities right after a talking dog convinces you to buy beer. I'm Jim Nantz.

Phil: And I'm Phil Simms.

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